Withholding Sex After Your Husband’s Affair: Is It a Good Idea?

I often hear from women who have no desire to resume sex with this husband after having an affair. Some are acting out of anger and others want to teach their husband a lesson. Withholding sex can be a very deliberate decision made as a way to punish the husband for her actions.

I heard from a wife who said, “the idea of ​​having sex with my husband right now doesn’t appeal to me at all. Because when I think of being intimate with him, I think of him being intimate with her and that’s the biggest turnoff.” of the world. One of my friends recently went through this and she told me that eventually, my wish will come back. She said that she would want to have sex with him again because this is part of the recovery process. and it will unite us more when we begin to reconcile. Frankly, I have no intention of having sex with him again for a long time. I feel like if I withhold sex, he will really regret what he has done. My friend says it’s not a good idea. Is right? Should she stop having sex with him because she had an affair?

This is not an answer you could give to the wife. This is a very individual decision. However, having been through this, I understand that after infidelity, the idea of ​​sex is usually not that appealing. Many wives feel pressured to have sex because they are concerned that if they are not fulfilling this need within their husband, he will just go back to the other woman or find another woman to fulfill this need. I don’t think it’s a good idea to allow yourself to feel the pressure of being intimate. Frankly, the sex isn’t all that great when this happens, and there’s usually a lot more resentment built up as a result. The wife feels as if she is just an object and her feelings don’t matter. This is not good for either spouse.

Why I don’t think withholding sex as punishment is a good idea: On the other side of the corner, many wives will take the opposite approach and refuse to have sex with their husbands. While I completely agree that you shouldn’t be intimate unless you want to, hiding this part of your marriage as a means of punishing your husband can damage the relationship just as much as the affair. Intimacy can be a way to reconnect and begin to reestablish trust. If you withhold this aspect of your relationship or cut it out altogether, you may delay or frustrate your healing, and you may worry that your husband will remain faithful. The bottom line for me is that you should allow your feelings and intuition to be your guide. You likely know when the time is right, and you shouldn’t compromise your desires for anyone else. You are allowed to move at your own pace.

Have sex again when you are ready. You must set your own pace: One of the most common questions I hear is when is the right time to start having sex again. There is no set answer for every couple. I usually tell people that they will know when the time is right. Usually this time comes after healing has begun. It usually doesn’t happen until the wife begins to see some remorse and rehabilitation. If you rush, the experience can be uncomfortable or painful. But if she waits until the time is right for both of them, she will usually have a good experience that will ultimately help in healing her.

There is no reason to rush this or delay it. Allow yourself to go at a natural pace, moving forward only when you feel comfortable or safe. Intimacy is something very special between two people. It is important to protect it instead of manipulating it. So to answer the question posed, I don’t think you should rush into having sex again or allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you’re not ready to do. That said, if you know the time is right and you feel comfortable, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to not be intimate just to teach your husband a lesson or to punish him. This can damage your marriage, make you both feel resentful, and delay your healing.