The wedding day, the attitude and approach of the bride and groom and wedding photography

Most couples have been planning their weddings for an entire year. That is a long time. I may be a wedding photographer, but I’ve been there too (I got married in 2004). It feels like you’re constantly talking about the upcoming nuptials and working out the details. A lot of time and money is invested. So, it is understandable that we become very attached to the result. The point is that the couples who end up enjoying their weddings are the ones who are able to let go of that attachment to a certain extent, to let themselves be carried away by whatever comes their way.

Those who manage this potentially challenging task of moving forward and who can delegate effectively can have fun at their own wedding. A novel idea, I know. And while grooms have become increasingly involved in the process, it’s still the bride who bears the most expectations and has the most of herself invested in the day. So, all things being equal, the Bride’s attitude and approach has a greater impact on the day than anything else. Ergo, ‘Happy girlfriend, happy day’. A laid-back bride, which usually leads to a laid-back groom, means a more enjoyable day, as well as better wedding photography.

But, depending on the personalities at play, this is easier said than done. That includes the bride and groom, family members, and even vendors. Since the Wedding day is largely centered around the Bride, from now on I will turn to the Bride-to-be.

First to the relaxed bride. You have a real advantage. This is because something will definitely go wrong, and that something is probably not even remotely important. Perhaps the flowers are not ‘exactly’ what you had in mind. There may not be a place card for one of her guests. Maybe your dress rubbed against something and there’s a little mark. Maybe one of your always irritating family members is, surprise, surprise, irritating. Maybe after five sunny days in a row, it’s pouring with rain. And so on… But you’re the laid-back bride, so you take the hits, you’re more in tune with the big picture: oh, that’s right, you’re marrying the love of your life. So, you take it all in stride and revel in your special day.

For the excitable Bride, this is very likely the most intense day of her life so far (if she hasn’t given birth at all). No doubt she intends to have a beautiful day, but sometimes it doesn’t take much to get your heart rate skyrocketing. While the following tips and thoughts apply to all brides and grooms, they can be essential for the overly sensitive bride.

(1) Delegate Responsibilities to someone trustworthy and capable, preferably your Maid of Honor. She will be your go-to person dealing with issues as they arise. Reassure her that you trust her to make good decisions. Everyone should know ahead of time to go to her first if they have any concerns. She should only involve you if it’s about a major decision or issue.

(2) Have all aspects of your wedding finalized well in advance of the wedding day. Running the day before is a recipe for stress that will carry over into your wedding day. The better prepared you are ahead of time, the more you can focus on the magic of the day.

(3) Preview. Knowing that it’s going to be a stressful day, visualize ahead of time that you won’t overreact to things. I have photographed over 150 weddings. There was only one instance where we almost didn’t get the couple photos and that was because the Bride let things get to her and the Groom allowed himself to get so upset (in response to a nonsensical and classless comment from a stranger) I had to call security. Neither the videographer nor I had experienced anything like this. Although we managed to get a few photos, the bride and groom were not happy and the rest of their day was affected. If you’re prone to getting carried away, prepare ahead of time so you can make better decisions.

(4) Recognize Escalation and Fear. Continuing the theme of (2), the spiral can often start with an innocuous event. If you allow that incident to take on a life of its own, it can often lead to something else, and so on, all of which ends up playing on the fears you’ve had for months that things are going wrong with her wedding. So when you notice her mind running away with her senses, nip it in the bud. Seriously, it’s not worth it.

(5) That thing you’re so upset about… Chances are your guests won’t notice or care unless you make a big deal out of it. While some of your guests will be concerned with the aesthetics of your wedding, the vast majority are more interested in witnessing the love that has brought the two of you together.

(6) Family intrigues. You both know your families very well, including those people who bring out the worst in you (for many of us, no one does that like a family). The nice thing here is that if there’s someone in particular who just pulled your goat, it’s completely predictable. It’s really a shame to let this person ruin things for you. Actually, the main problem here is not the actions of that person, which you can see from a mile away, but your reaction. It’s easy to blame others for our own reactions, even when they seem justified. Unfortunately, that justification can come at the high cost of negatively affecting your day.

(7) Be open to a change of plans. The summer of 2008 was rainy. There was a Saturday when the rain did not let up from morning to night. The Ceremony and Reception were downtown, so we were going to shoot at Osgoode Hall and Nathan Phillips Square. Unfortunately, that was not the case, which affected the Bride, and that is understandable. We had to think of another option. I suggested Union Station. 19 of us, including the wedding party, stood in a building looking out at the rain. It felt like a big deal for everyone to get into 5 cabs and go to Union Station.

She resisted. I insisted (in a kind way). She finally slowed down. We have some great photos at Union Station. It wasn’t the ideal setting, but it was certainly better than the shots we would have gotten if we had stayed where we were. After the fact, she was thankful we went. Fortunately, she was a lovely person. If she’d allowed her anxiety to get the better of her, it might not have happened, and her couple’s shots of her would have basically been disappointing. In short, she be flexible. Occasionally the alternate plan ends up being better than the original.

Hey, what about the boyfriend? As mentioned above, as much as things have changed, the day still belongs to the Bride. Needless to say, the Groom can also make things difficult, but in general, he does better to keep his Bride happy, if he’s smart anyway. The wedding day is one concentrated practice session for the rest of your lives together. ‘Happy girlfriend, happy day’ becomes perfectly ‘Happy wife, happy life’.