Step 3 to get your boyfriend back: remove the safety net from the breakup
One of the first things that happens after a relationship ends is always the same: one person still loves the other more. If your boyfriend dumped, putting you in the very undesirable role of dumpee, it’s not always easy to get back into his life. You will first have to accept your breakup, and then you will have to drop his radar. These first two steps are critical to getting an ex back.
Beyond this, the next thing you will need to do is remove the safety net from your relationship. This little gadget is what lets your boyfriend know that he can get you back, anytime, anytime he wants. While you may think this is a good thing, it is not. Having such a network is the equivalent of having breakup insurance … it allows him to try being single for a while, and if he doesn’t like it, he can always come back to you. Nice deal for him, right? It is safe.
As long as you think the network is still there, your ex will do whatever he wants (and possibly whoever he wants) What you have to do is cut him off, effectively letting him know that you are not going to be with you forever. Any guy who breaks up with any girl, no matter how long they have been dating, always wants to leave the door open for a possible reunion. Even if it is just a small crack, you like to know that the door is not closed; he can always open it in an attempt to get back to you. Don’t let him have control of this door.
Grabbing the door handle and closing it yourself will cause you to panic. Cutting off the safety net of his relationship suddenly brings him face to face with the stark, cold reality that he might finally lose you forever. As long as your ex thinks you will be waiting for him, he will continue to play the field. But the moment you let him know that you won’t stay forever, he’ll start to doubt himself. And eventually, he too will start to guess the breakup. This is what will make him want you back.
By now I shouldn’t have called, emailed, or texted you. You’ve gotten off their radar and you’re doing your thing. He is already curious about what you are doing and your life is now quite mysterious to him. He’s testing what his own life will be like without you, and this is exactly what you want. You don’t want to “be friends” with your ex, and you’re not going to accept anything other than an exclusive long-term relationship. You want to get back with your boyfriend, not casually see him in a friendly way, have a little chat, or have meaningless encounters with him. By removing all these other options, you channel it in exactly the direction you want: to get back together.