Creating an Effective Personal Ad That Gets Results: The Do’s and Don’ts
Creating a great advertisement means selling your strengths and attributes. Think of this as if you were creating your personal resume. Many of the online systems offer a multiple choice combination along with an essay. After someone finds you with a “match,” it’s the part of your essay that can make you shine. It is crucial to complete the entire essay, with at least 2-3 sentences per question. You can return to the essay later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour completing this. People who do not complete the essay are not taken seriously and move on to other closer profiles. Be honest in your ad.
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include specifics such as your height, weight, body type, educational background, and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and at a minimum about your job (don’t give your place of work… keep it broad like: I’m a nurse in a local clinic, accountant in a medium-sized company, etc.). Don’t share too much information or write a book…just write enough to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk about afterwards.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don’t want your profile to be a bunch of maudlin mush (can you hear your potential dates heading out the door?), but you do want to communicate things people can relate to: where you’re from, where you are. they are, where you are going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy in life. DON’T fixate on just one aspect of your life – you may love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you’re going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show off your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what you write. Say who you are and don’t try to create false impressions. False impressions will backfire in the field of online dating just as much as in the rest of your life. Relax and let your true self show. There are people who will like who you are.
Don’t dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn’t work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this later, after you meet someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and gender. Don’t waste time talking about your children or revealing their names. People want to see a profile that focuses on YOU, not your immediate family. You can talk about childcare arrangements and coaching minor league football etc. later. People looking at your profile want to know that you have time for them. Focusing on your children and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited time.
What you are looking for: Think about who you are and what you are looking for. Make friends? Fell in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for an educated man between 32 and 45 years of age who is a Christian, attends church, has a university degree and likes the opera and galleries). (Ex. Looking for a down to earth girl between the ages of 22-30 who likes the country, camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Do not say that you are looking for the love of your life and you want to get married… this will scare a lot of people. It’s a good idea to indicate the general type of person you hope to meet, but don’t overdo it. If you set too many requirements, you’ll miss out on meeting some great people and quite possibly the right person for you.
Words to use and avoid:
Good Words: Affectionate, likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth, looking for a best friend, polite, sophisticated, caring, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, big legs, petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid: Some of the bad things I’ve seen in ads. (On some systems, you will be unsubscribed using some of this language, either in your profile or in an email.) These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to find alternative personals. Here’s what NOT to put in a staff at a regular/subway site: well hung, great in bed, would love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animalistic, great lover, oral, fuck, suck, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. These things scare most women away. You can modify and improve your profile as you go.
Editing your profile – If you get the kind of responses you’re looking for, great. If you’re getting responses from the wrong kinds of people or not getting as many responses as you’d like, review your profile and think about how you can improve it and shine a little brighter. Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and parts of your ad. Check it out at least every two weeks.
How to find a new friend: Each matchmaking system has different ways to search for compatible profiles. Some have various forms. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND and some allow you to create a search profile that you can reuse. You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnicity, even by interest in having children in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start, but read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages can be great, but the profile can be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, someone just looking for sex, or someone who has totally different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo could be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is unattractive, remember that family or fan photos don’t always make a person look their best. Browse profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you the right way – writers sound like fun? Intellectual? Do you love animals as much as you do? I like to travel?
Posting Photos: It’s up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate TEN TIMES when posting a photo. People want to see who they’re writing to, and many don’t want to start a correspondence and waste time with someone they don’t know if there’s even an initial attraction to a photo. If you want a lot of answers, you better have a photo. From my experience, and from what I’ve heard from others, it seems that people who don’t have photos of themselves are often hiding something. So if you don’t have a photo, people will assume you look like a dog. If you are a high-profile person in the city where you live, offer in your profile to exchange photos of your staff (yahoo or hotmail, not your real email address). Be sure to put an accurate description of what you look like on your profile. You may want to say which celebrity you are most similar to.
People who say they don’t have a photo or have no way to get one online are either lazy or playing games. If you don’t have a scanner at home or at work, take a picture of the KINKO’s (they’re everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send zip files or unusable formats. Usually .jpg, .gif and .bmp are the limit and should be reduced. Photos must have a t-shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no bathing suits (except in secondary shots), and no family members in your main photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet someone who looks angry and sad). Many companies allow secondary shots that have your family and friends in the photos while you are in the photo. Don’t use a photo in which you’re dressed too revealingly – you want to look elegant and seductive, but a photo of you in a bikini will attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? Your car, house, boat, photos of your kids or friends alone, photos where your face is the size of the head of a pencil, photos with your ex, dark photos, anything revealing, etc. Submit your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of you camping (once every 5 years) with your baseball cap on can leave an impression you don’t want others to have. Once again, think in terms of a resume. How would you like an employer to see you for the first time? (You dress very well with your perfect hair). Ex. A good combination would be the main photo with a business suit or a polo shirt, the secondary photo rock climbing with friends, the third photo with two nephews at XMAS.
Are you out of town or can’t reply to email? Members of matchmaking systems expect prompt responses to their emails. If you can’t answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say “I’ll be out of town for “x amount of time” and won’t have access to email. Please bookmark my profile.” and write me in “x time frame” and I’ll be happy to reply when you get back.” This is especially important during the summer months when people are on vacation and during vacations.