Lucy’s barking
I have a very sweet dog who looks like Lassie when he barks. She is of the same breed, a tough collie, and her name is Lucy. We first heard her bark it wasn’t long after we brought her home in 2005. We had built a fire in the fireplace and brought her inside from a cold 55 degree winter night (Orange County can be brutal) to be inside with her. big pillow and enjoy a Christmas movie with the family. She took one look at the wildfire burning in our family room and began calling the fire department for help. You can almost imagine the words he was trying to express: “Fire! Get out! Go this way … through this glass door! I’ll hold you back, with my incredible bark!”
There are times when it can be fun to watch her use her bark to protect us. If someone is vacuuming the carpet or blow drying their hair while in the house, they will use their warning bark to remind us of their powerful presence and their ability to save us should appliances come to life and attack. She will protect us, even if it is dangerous for her.
From time to time, it will bark at night. We have gotten used to this and do what we can to stop it when it is battling insomnia. Usually the Alpha Male (my husband) will just harshly call her name out the window and she will give up on the cat or opossum teasing her and go back to sleep. Last night, my brave collie did not bark his usual bark. His bark was not Lassie’s bark warning that “Timmy had fallen into the well!” He was much more agitated, even angry. To be frank, she sounded completely pissed off. It was a terrifying bark that woke me up from the initial stages of REM. Of course, my husband was sleeping under a meteor shower at the foot of our bed, so I had to wake him up for her to stop. (Remember, he’s the Alpha and she doesn’t listen to me.) He made the usual call, in his very deep Alpha Male voice, to make her stop. But Lucy didn’t even miss a beat. He didn’t seem to care that the Man he adores was ordering him to stop. She just continued her very angry dog voice barking to yell at something in the yard. Now for those of you who don’t have a dog, you have to understand, it is completely embarrassing when this happens because now you know that the neighbors have not only heard the loud barking, but they have also heard the screams to do it. stop and the fact that she didn’t stop. So of course, being a mom, you start to wonder if they’re thinking, “Wow, they can’t control their dog! I wonder what their kids are like! I bet they can’t control them either!” The whole situation leads to images from episodes of white trash TV!
Finally, to prevent the police from calling and the remaining teenager from being taken into child protective custody, the Alpha Male grabs a flashlight and heads outside. I don’t keep going because I have to stay inside with the cordless phone ready to dial 911. When he walks out the door, I’m grateful for two things. 1) Wear a shirt; it would be very embarrassing if this got out of hand and ended in shirtless COPS. 2) He did not take his bow and arrow. Usually when he hears a noise, he sees it as an invitation to act out his Tolkien fantasies.
Outside, the very loud and very angry dog runs in circles around a large pine tree in the corner of the yard. After a few minutes of shining the light into the corners of darkness, he sees the cause of the commotion. Hidden behind his mask, sitting on the fence is Mr. Raccoon. Mr. Raccoon is completely at ease and stares at the Alpha Male and without saying an audible word, Mr. Raccoon says, “What are you doing in my yard and why is your silly dog making so much noise?” Well, the Alpha Male looks back at him and says, “Well buddy, the dog IS loud, so why don’t you go?” Then Mr. Raccoon looks up at the tree. Then the Alpha Male raises his flashlight to see, directly over his head, two little eyes (also hidden behind a mask) looking at him from the tree. Ms. Raccoon is watching all the activity from her room and although she is very upset by the scandal, she is glad that Mr. Raccoon is wearing a shirt. After a few minutes of starring in the Alpha Male doing what any man would do at this point, he turns and runs excitedly toward his first-born son’s house and room- “Hey, there’s a raccoon in the yard!”
The young man was at his computer “talking on Skype with his girlfriend”, which, by the way, is not an immoral act for teenagers to do, it is to use their webcam to have live face-to-face conversations with someone who is far away. So, because the Young Man is like the Alpha Male, he finds the presence of Mr. and Mrs. Raccoon fascinating and brings his computer to introduce them to his girlfriend. Now the dog is still barking and the alpha male and youngster are laughing really hard and the girlfriend is trapped in the computer sitting on the patio table. Meanwhile, the noise of everything alerts the Daughter who is in the house looking at Desperate Housewives. So, the Daughter (who wanted to be called in this blog The-Sexy-Blonde-A-What-Some-Way-Looks-Like-Venus-The-Goddess-of-Beauty) came out to see which one. it was shock. When Mr. Raccoon saw the two madmen, the girlfriend got stuck in the computer, the loud and angry dog and The-sexy-blonde-who-some-way-looks-like-Venus-the-goddess -of- Beauty stared at him, decided that our family was more dangerous than she had originally supposed and headed up the tree to be with Mrs. Raccoon.
The crazy group, whom I like to call my family, spends the next 20 minutes lighting up the masked faces of Mr. and Mrs. Raccoon as the collie continues to alert the entire neighborhood to their presence. The girlfriend at the computer starts to get cold outside, so the-sexy-blonde-who-some-way-looks-like-Venus-the-beauty-goddess takes her inside to see television through the Skyp and finally the Alpha Male and the Young move the protective collie to the garage to sleep on his pillow.
This morning I’m looking out the window at my big tree, and I don’t see the Raccoons up there and I wonder if they’ve already gone to work. The radio is on and I’m listening to the weekend news. I ask my alpha male if raccoons are dangerous. Will they eat my cats? Should I be nervous? Within 4 minutes of asking the question, the radio news anchor tells the story of a 74-year-old woman who was attacked by 5 raccoons. Apparently a “gang” of raccoons attacked this poor woman in her backyard and she is lucky to be alive. Now these raccoons lived in Polk County, so most likely they have a different mindset than the rest of the raccoons in the nation; most of the country thinks differently than those who live in Florida. However, it is a bit disconcerting to think that I am sharing my garden with these little masked rodents who can decide at any time that I am a tasty snack.
I don’t want to focus on the Florida raccoon gang and their sharp claws, so I think back to the big picture from last night. And it immediately reminds me why it’s okay to spend $ 22.00 on a bag of dog food. I remember why it is okay that annually I pay the hairdresser more than my hairdresser. I remember that throughout the noisy event, which I am sure the neighbors enjoyed very much, the only constant was my faithful collie. She recognized the danger that Mr. and Mrs. Raccoon possessed and was angry that they would approach the house that she is destined to protect. She never left her fierce protective mode, even when she saw their cute little faces. How wonderful to have such purpose and such determination. I can learn a lot from my dog about loyalty. How ashamed I am of not knowing better than to trust the barking of the one who loves me.
It’s quiet tonight and I can write and wonder about the whereabouts of the Raccoon family, but I don’t have to worry about them sneaking into my yard to climb their tree house without warning. Because, after all, I have a very sweet little dog that looks like Lassie when she barks.